I leave Mother to get washed up and decide to explore. We’re heading
west now, with nothing but calm, blue ocean all around us. Everyone
has settled in, and I can hear the regular bustle of stewards and
maids. Down below us I can even hear the faint tune of a fiddle,
accompanied by a chorus of voices. I put on my hat and climb the
stairs to the top deck.
There’s already small bunches of people milling around, sitting on
benches, kicking around balls, and staring into the ocean. I gaze over
into the water, and am amazed to see all of the little white ripples
that are created with every wave. We’re still close enough to shore to
have birds circling overhead, and I can every now and then see the
shadow of a dolphin or maybe even a whale. I hold my hand on my hat to
make sure it doesn’t blow off, and pull my shawl tightly around me. It
was warm on the docks, but now that we’re off and sailing, there’s a
sharp wind.
There’s talk of all kinds going on around me. I move a little closer
to a young woman who might be from third class, who’s talking to a
girl with red hair and bright green eyes.
“There wasn’t a chance in the world of me gettin a ticket,” she is
saying. “I had always told me Mam that it wasn’t a good idea to stay
in Ireland, but after she left it was more of a chance of survival,
and there wasn’t a good chance of that anyways. But then I got it from
me friend in England, and here I am!”
I walk away, towards another group of girls my age, only they are
first class. Next to the Irish immigrants, I had felt like I was
royalty in my new red dress with the blue wrap. Now, however, next to
these girls, with their giant hats, pink gowns, and white gloves, I
suddenly am aware of everything wrong with me. My hair is too messy,
my hat is too plain, my dress looks like rags, and my hands are
uncovered. If it weren’t for my dress material, in fact, I might be
mistaken for third class. Ashamed all of a sudden, I turn away, hiding
my face.
“Ouch!”
Not looking where I am going, I slam into another person as I’m
heading back to the stairwell. As I stagger back, apologizing
profusely, I notice who she is. She’s a tall, pale girl a few years
older than me, and she would be slender, except for her giant stomach.
She’s very pretty, with her hair in a long braid and a golden sequin
dress. I’m too shocked to even open my mouth and continue apologizing.
“I-I’m sorry,” she gasps, stepping back as well, and smoothing her
hair back. “I should have looked where I was going.” I can tell by her
accent that she’s American, just like me.”
“That’s all right,” I reply, wondering how much longer we’re going to
keep on talking. I notice some other people watching us, and my face
flushes a deep crimson.
Luckily, I’m saved by the sharp, clear notes of a bugle horn from the
first class dining salon. People around me start to get up and walk
towards lunch. I nod in acknowledgement to the girl again, and then
turn on my heel and walk back down the stairs.
Lunch in second class is fairly nice, considering that I’ve been
living off of Mother’s cooking for the past five months. It’s in a
large room with oak walls and chairs, and long tables. I sit quietly
next to Mother, who’s socializing with the other women, and making
light conversation, but still can’t find anything to do. In the end, I
just excuse myself and leave.
After wandering around for a bit longer, I stumble upon a very nice,
very large room filled with shelves and shelves of books. My heart
leaps into my throat, and my eyes grow wide as I survey all of them.
They’re all leather bound and beautiful, with gold-printed titles and
fresh pages. There’s hardly anyone else here, so I float through the
aisles at my own will, opening books now and then and smelling the
fresh, new paper. Some of them are older than others, with cracked
covers and worn, yellow pages, but most of them look like they were
printed yesterday. I could stay in here all day, just reading away.
When I was in England, the schools encouraged us to read more than
anything else, so I know most of the classics already. I curl up with
one of my favorite books and get lost in the story.
Before I know it, I’ve read half of the book and it’s almost three
o’clock. I curse silently to myself, remembering Mother’s words before
we boarded. “Don’t get lost, Lillian. If I can’t find you, I’ll assume
you’ve fallen overboard and drowned.” Knowing that she takes her words
strongly to heart, I put the book back and hurry into our cabin.
Mother’s already in there, fixing her hair in the mirror. “Oh, there
you are, Lillian,” she says when she sees my reflection. “Good
gracious, what have you been doing the last three hours? I thought you
drowned!”
I knew it. I sit down on the bed and tuck my hair behind my ear. “Oh,
you know. Reading.”
“Well,” says Mother, busying herself with a bobby pin. “I’ve already
made arrangements for dinner, so you might as well get ready.”
I smile to myself. Mother’s a very social person, and makes friends
everywhere she goes. I just know it will be one of those women she was
talking to at lunch, the ones who are traveling with their husbands
and don’t have any children to worry about. I bite my lip and look
knowingly at her. “All right, who is it this time.”
“I was walking along the deck, and you’ll never guess who I saw.” She
apparently figures I never will, because she keeps on going without a
pause. “Marylyn Dobson!”
I nod, pretending to know what she’s talking about. Really, I’m just
pulling at a loose thread in my hat ribbon.
“Anyway, she was my cousin’s best friend growing up, and it was the
biggest coincidence that we’re on the same boat together. She
recognized me from my cousin’s wedding, and called me over right away.
She’s in first class, you know, and invited me to sit with them.
Before I knew it, she had invited me to dinner with her and her
family!”
I drop my hat into my lap. “What?”
Mother smiles with pleasure. I can tell she’s proud. “Yes. She’s
traveling with her husband, and her children, who I think are about
your age. We’ll have a grand time, Lillian.”
I stand up, staring at her. “Mother, we’ve been on this ship for a
grand total of six hours and you have dinner arrangements? With first
class?”
She nods.
I run over to the mirror and stare at my reflection. I don’t know if I
should be pleased or disgruntled. I’ve never dined with millionaires
before, and it’s an amazing opportunity, but I don’t belong with them
at all. What’s more, we probably won’t even be allowed to go into the
dining room at all.
Mother comes up from behind me and starts to reapply her makeup.
“Aren’t you excited, dear? You can finally meet all of those people!”
“Mother, how am I supposed to act?” I cry. “I don’t know how to eat
with rich people. There’s probably a whole list of rules on what to
do, and not a day goes by without you telling me I need to grow up.”
Mother smiles. “Oh, it’s simple. Just pick something sophisticated to
talk about, like politics, or fashion, and maybe gossip a little bit,
too. Since you’re so young, you can impress them with all you know
about the Parliament and such. And you can wear that dress you got for
your birthday last summer.”
I think about the midnight blue dress that’s hanging in the tiny
closet, the one with the tiny pearl-like hem and the black lace. It’s
probably the nicest dress I own, but I still doubt it’s good enough.
“Mother, I don’t know…”
“Oh, Lillian, stop acting like a twelve year old!” Mother scolds.
“You’ll have a wonderful time, believe me. Now, go get that dress and
we’ll try it on,”
Before I know it, though, I’m standing in front of the mirror, my face
scrubbed clean and my curly hair put up, with Mother tightening my
corset so hard I can barely breath. To me, corsets are the worst
things that have happened to this world, and I can hardly imagine how
rich girls can wear them every day. Especially the one I bumped into
on deck.
“That’s-enough.” I choke out, as my stomach gets smaller and smaller.
Mother finally obliges, but ties the strings with an extra yank before
slipping the blue dress over my head. I like the fabric, since it’s so
soft, but looking at myself in the mirror is almost terrifying. I
can’t believe what I look like, and my pale face doesn’t help.
Mother peers at me. “You’re beautiful,” she says, nodding, and adjusts
the pearl neckline. I tilt my head at myself. I still look like a doll
from this angle, with all of the powder and glamor, but it will have
to do. It took me so long to convince Mother to take me on this ship,
and I’m not going to ruin her good mood now.
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